


I’d Give You A Lifetime To Figure This Out. I’d Give You The Light In Your Darkest Hour.

by itcanprobablysmellfear



Series: So Let's Make Things Physical, I Won't Treat You Like You're Oh So Typical [4]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst and Porn, Catra has Feelings about She-Ra, F/F, Flashbacks, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of PTSD, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, She-Ra/Catra, they have sex, they talk about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:06:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26706445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itcanprobablysmellfear/pseuds/itcanprobablysmellfear
Summary: The day started normal. The brilliant sunshine streaming through the curtains, almost too vivid to be real, the gentle birdsong crooned by the pair of mourning doves nesting by the east-facing window, both so familiar it was commonplace. The strong arms wrapped around her form, pressing her into soft, pale breasts? The long, sweet-smelling blonde hair tickling her nose, rousing her from a dreamless sleep? The pair of blue-gray eyes, foggy with sleep but crinkling up all the same as a smile dawned over their owner’s face, still brimming with joyful surprise at her bedmate? Normal, typical, happenstance.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: So Let's Make Things Physical, I Won't Treat You Like You're Oh So Typical [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1814638
Comments: 21
Kudos: 176





	I’d Give You A Lifetime To Figure This Out. I’d Give You The Light In Your Darkest Hour.

**Author's Note:**

> In the format of the Dark Kermit meme
> 
> Me: Write a nice chaptered story that exercises your creative muscles and challenges you as a writer!  
> Dark Me: Write another smutty one-shot story, it'll be easier.
> 
> Me: Okay! I can write something fun and fluffy!  
> Dark Me: Make it full of angst and pain and a deep exploration of trauma and how healing communication and sex can be. 
> 
> *shrug* here ya go, kids
> 
> Update on the warnings - Catra has a panic attack and experiences PTSD, and later on she unintentionally cuts herself. Please take care of yourselves!
> 
> Title is from "Lifetime" by DRAMA. I found them last week and sweet HEAVENS to Betsy they're incredible! Go give them a listen!

The day started normal. The brilliant sunshine streaming through the curtains, almost too vivid to be real, the gentle birdsong crooned by the pair of mourning doves nesting by the east-facing window, both so familiar it was commonplace. The strong arms wrapped around her form, pressing her into soft, pale breasts? The long, sweet-smelling blonde hair tickling her nose, rousing her from a dreamless sleep? The pair of blue-gray eyes, foggy with sleep but crinkling up all the same as a smile dawned over their owner’s face, still brimming with joyful surprise at her bedmate? Normal, typical, happenstance. Lovers all the world over effused the joy of passionate affairs, the consuming heat of sexual attraction, the power that arose when two bodies became one. But moments like these, as familiar as the stripes on the back of her hand, waking up curled in her girlfriend’s embrace, affection unspoken but communicated through fingers carded through hair or lips kissing whatever skin was closest. Why weren’t these quiet moments praised just as much as the loud ones? 

Catra burrowed her head into the crook of Adora’s neck, breathing in the scent of slumber lingering on her skin.  _ I never thought I could be this peaceful. I never thought we would have moments like this. _ The blonde giggled, squirming away. “Catra,” her voice was groggy, “go back to sleep.” She rolled over, throwing a leg over the Magicat, who responded by curling her tail over the limb. “We don’t have to get up for at least another hour.” Her only answer was to purr, watching with half-lidded eyes as the taller woman drifted back to sleep, her hand stroking down a muscular side. 

Like she said. Normal. 

The rest of the morning progressed as most mornings did. In the year since Horde Prime’s defeat, Catra found her skills for strategizing to be actually quite useful. Sure, she had been good,  _ really _ good at battle simulation and troop formation while second-in-command for Hordak, but she never would have guessed that it would translate into supply chain management and resource allocation, citizen relocation and clone mediation. The mastermind behind the Fall of Salineas suddenly found herself the Minister of Internal Affairs, and any residual guilt the feline harbored for the atrocities she committed on Etheria were quickly swept away in service of the very peoples she once tried to rule. Prime said the soul would be purified through pain; what a foolish thought. With every hug she received from a grateful family, every shy smile cast in her direction from a child peeking behind their mother’s skirts, Catra felt a little more darkness wipe away from her soul. 

_Progress, not perfection_ , one of Perfuma’s sayings from their earliest sessions, echoed in the brunette’s mind as she walked through the castle to the training grounds where she knew Adora would be at this hour. Catra smiled to herself. Maybe she would never be able to atone for the wrongs she performed in the Horde’s name, but even she knew that she was doing so much good now. The pride she felt standing at Hordak’s side, leading his army, having so many people answering to her and looking to her for answers? It was nothing, it filled nothing, it gave her nothing. That Catra would have sneered at her future self, considered her service debasing and embarrassing. _It wasn’t enough to be second-best to Adora? Now you’re putting literally all_ _of Etheria before yourself! When did you get so_ weak _?!_ How the brunette wished she could go to her younger self, to wrap this angry, frightful creature up in her arms and whisper to it. _You will be happy one day. This fury, this selfish attachment to hate and pain? It won’t make you happy, it’s never what you wanted. You’ve only ever wanted to belong. And you belong with these people._ She stopped outside the doorway leading into the gym, eyes twinkling as she spotted long golden locks whipping just out of sight, ears twitching at the sound of melodious laughter. _You belong with Adora._ Grinning, she rounded the corner and stepped into the room.

And that’s when things changed. That’s when things stopped being normal. 

There was Bow over in the corner, practicing some trick archery with his newest design of arrows. There was Kyle, hands on his cheeks and stars in his eyes as Rogelio literally benched him, the lizard growling happily as the shorter man tried—and failed—to remain still. Scorpia, visiting from the former Fright Zone for a couple weeks to discuss diplomacy with Glimmer, was stretching by the doorway, limbering up to face her opponent on the mats in the center of the room. Her opponent. Who wasn’t Adora. Her opponent, an eight-foot tall warrior, with wheat blonde hair streaming behind her like a standard. Her opponent, whose glowing blue eyes scanned the room around her like a battlefield, surveying every weakness and failing, before piercing that ocean gaze on Catra, leveling her, striking her down.  _ She-Ra.  _

When Catra woke this morning, there had been no indication that her carefully structured world was soon to be crashing around her ears.

“ _ Catra! Catra, what’s wrong?! Baby, please!”  _ Adora’s voice sounded like it came from underwater. Was she drowning? Had the warrior’s sight actually held that kind of power? Under the wrenching cries of her girlfriend’s sobs, Catra heard someone struggling to breathe. It was painful, harsh and shrill as it grated into her senses. Adora should be helping that person.  _ Wait, that’s me. I’m making that sound. I can’t be drowning then if I’m still breathing.  _ Even with this realization, Catra felt disconnected. Yes, that was her gasping, but she didn’t have lungs, she didn’t have a body or limbs or eyes or a voice. Her ears spasmed against her skull.  _ Oh, oh I have ears, and apparently a head?...well, if I have that much, I suppose I must have a body too.  _ Sensation began returning at the thought, dawning slowly through her form like the morning sun cresting over the horizon. She licked her lips, rolled her shoulders, flexed her fingers. Her tail curled and uncurled at her side, her knees twitched, her ankles rolled. 

The sound was still present. Despite her awareness, Catra could do nothing further with her body beyond reflexes, and so couldn’t command herself to stop making that awful noise. Adora was still crying too, “Catra, please  _ wake up! _ What’s wrong?!” Gods she sounded so scared. She hadn’t sounded this terrified since rescuing her from Prime— _ no, stop, stop making that awful racket! Dammit, Catra, everyone knows you like being the center of goddamned attention, but isn’t this taking it too far?  _ Her gasps were faster now, her voice smaller and even more terrified, and what little feeling she had in her limbs was retreating quickly.  _ Fuck! No! Uh…remember Perfuma’s exercises! Inhale…one, two, three. Exhale…one, two, three.  _

Slowly. It felt like hours, but in reality it probably had only been about ten minutes between spotting She-Ra and now, slowly Catra felt power return to her body, purposeful movement restored along with her other senses. Swiping her tongue over her lips again, she tasted salty wetness.  _ Wait, I was crying? _ Smell and touch made themselves known simultaneously, her face pressed into a sweaty neck, two strong arms encircling her and rocking her, her forehead repeatedly kissed, soft lips pressing into her cold skin over and over again.  _ Or are these Adora’s tears?  _ At the very last, she was able to open her eyes and peer over a red-clad shoulder. 

Scorpia was on her knees, inches from Adora, one red pincher extended, the other covering her mouth. Rogelio was holding Kyle, the blond man’s face buried in the lizard’s chest, both shaking. Bow was actually crying, wiping his face with the back of a free hand as the other punched furiously into his communication pad. He started speaking to whoever was on the opposite line, but caught Catra’s open gaze and immediately dropped the device. “A-Adora!” He croaked, pointing. “Adora, she’s awake!” 

Catra felt herself shifted, and suddenly her sight was overwhelmed with blonde hair. Blonde. She-Ra.  _ Danger.  _ With a scream she lifted her arms and  _ shoved _ **_,_ ** putting as much distance between her and the warrior as possible. For a moment, she was gone again, the smell of blood and smoke filling her nostrils, her claws stained with red, the agony of war pounding in her head. She was back on the battlefield at Bright Moon, staring down the princess as a huge wave of rainbow power slammed her body back and threw her against an overturned tank. The three broken ribs she sustained then took weeks to heal. 

There was a flash, and Catra was in Hordak’s sanctum, fragments of the portal littered around the floor. Her jaw ached from Adora’s punch and her right arm felt…strange, tingling like it had fallen asleep and the blood was reacquainting itself with her muscle and tissue. She was running away, like always, but she couldn’t prevent herself from glancing over her shoulder, from stopping for one last glimpse of  _ her.  _ She-Ra stood in the wreckage, sword gripped so tight in her hand it made her fingers bloodless, eyes narrowed and blazing as she stared down the retreating Magicat. The fury radiating off her form was so blistering the feline could feel it from this far away, and for the first time since meeting the warrior, Catra felt real fear. There was no trace of Adora in the anger-filled face, no gray in the brilliantly blue eyes brimming with passion and intent. The Force Captain looked at the woman and saw nothing familiar and that was when she fled, heart pounding in her chest, each beat feeling like the last. 

Another flash, and Catra’s hair was closely cropped to her head and she was sitting on a bunk in Mara’s ship, the brilliant glow of Adora’s transformation into She-Ra slowly fading from her eyes. The smile that crossed the warrior’s face Catra had seen a million times before on her alter-ego’s, and a tiny voice prayed she would be permitted to see it a million times more. It felt strange to be this close to the princess and not looking for some kind of weakness or attack to bring her down, to see her as an ally and not an enemy. Her body still quaked from delving into her connection with Prime, cold sweat still dampening her brow, and the fear that lingered on her skin from the alien’s proximity mingled with the thrill that inflamed her cheeks, until she couldn’t distinguish the two and she didn’t know if terror or attraction made her pulse sing in her ears. 

That duplicity of emotions returned, confused her, drove her mad, until she was ground down to her basest instinct--survival--and all she cared about was taking down her greatest enemy, this princess who had thwarted all her best laid plans and wiped out her strongest forces.  _ She-Ra. _ The curse who’d stolen Adora away from her, who made almost three years of her life an utter hell, gods, the very sight of her turned the marrow of Catra’s bones to ice. 

And then the moment was over, and it wasn’t She-Ra Catra had shied away from, but Adora. Adora, her arms open, her cheeks streaked with tears, her blue-gray eyes bloodshot and terrified. She swallowed, and Catra could see her heart break across her pale face. “You,” the taller woman choked out. “You just…fell. You came in the room, and looked at me, and then just… _ dropped. _ ” She was trying so hard to be strong for Catra,  _ why do you always have to try so hard for me? _ “And-and you started shaking, and breathing like…like your throat was closing up.” She swallowed again, drawing her arms into herself and curling them around her torso.  _ No, please, don’t be afraid to touch me. I need you, Adora.  _

“Wildcat?” Scorpia’s face leaned around the blonde’s, her dark eyes wide and voice uncharacteristically calm. “Perfuma came with me. Do you want to go talk to her?” Her heart pounded in her ears as she blinked rapidly at the white-haired princess.  _ Perfuma? Perfuma can help.  _ Catra didn’t trust herself to speak, so she nodded wordlessly to the scorpion woman, slowly moving and drawing herself up to stand. Her limbs felt so very heavy. She quietly shuffled over to Adora, her arms corded around her chest like she was holding herself together. The princess flinched when Catra extended her hand, and it took everything in the feline to not fall back to the floor at that.  _ Please, _ she tried to say with her eyes.  _ Please I can’t do this alone.  _ Catra could count on one hand the times Adora appeared so small and defeated, and with a wave of shame she could trace her influence through every break. Her girlfriend blinked, sighed, and stood, her fingers barely brushing against the Magicat’s, but it was something. Adora rarely sought comfort, she didn’t know how to ask even now, too afraid to be a burden to her loved ones, but this smallest acceptance of touch gave Catra enough courage to reach back out and properly lace their fingers together. 

The two women stared at their entwined hands. The taller bit her lip, face bloodless and shoulders hunched. The shorter glanced up, taking in the other with a ferocious determination, decision crossing over her features. Catra turned to Scorpia, jaw set, and nodded again. The white-haired princess smiled before turning and leading the pair out the gym, chattering nervously over her shoulder. “Perfuma’s just this way, gosh I’m so glad she’s here. I didn’t know if she’d get time away from Plumeria to meet me here, we don’t get to see each other as much as I’d like. I mean, golly, I’d love if I got to see her every day but she’s got her own kingdom to run. I’m such a klutz with all this ‘leading people’ business. You know me, Wildcat, I wasn’t ever a really good Force Captain! It’s why I’m  _ so  _ thankful for Perfuma. Just, like,  _ wow _ you guys, she’s just amazing!” She sighed, the smile bleeding through her voice, stopping outside a familiar room. She raised a claw to knock on the ajar door before poking her head through. “Honey? You busy? We’ve, uh...we’ve kind of got an emergency here.” The scorpion winced at her choice of words, glancing back guiltily at the pair behind her. 

“Scorpia! What’s the matter?” Perfuma rounded the corner, sunny as always as she took in her girlfriend. “Who--oh!” Her dark eyes widened as she caught sight of Catra and Adora shuffling in the hallway. A multitude of emotions passed over her freckled face: concern, determination, decision.    
With a sweeping gesture, she moved to welcome them into the room. “My friends. Come in, please. I always have time for you.” The brunette’s feet moved of their own accord, pulling her girlfriend along, and before she knew it they were both situated in the pair of soft chairs cozily placed in the corner of the flower princess’s chamber. 

Warm mugs of what smelled like chamomile tea were pressed into Catra’s palms as she mused on the many times she and Adora had been in this room, for individual as well as joint therapy with Perfuma. She  _ thought _ she was doing well. Her anger was fairly well under control, as were her destructive tendencies born from years of abuse and self-hatred. Baring days when the nightmares--hers or Adora’s--woke the both of them up and the tired hours dragged their patience to within an inch of its life and no manner of breathing techniques or mental tricks could quell the negative thoughts, Catra felt like she was doing  _ better. _ She  _ knew  _ with certainty that she was doing better.  _ So why did this happen now?  _ It had been over a year since the Rebellion defeated Prime, for fuck’s sake!  _ Has it all been a lie? Have I made no progress at all?  _ And again shame, burning hot, bubbled within her chest and blurred the floor she stared at as she recounted what had happened in the training room to Perfuma. Her voice, thought quiet, remained strong, but her hands shook the entire time, and not once did she raise her head to look at the tan princess or her girlfriend. She couldn’t look Adora in the eye, not right now. 

“And I...as soon as I saw She-Ra, I couldn’t think anymore. It was like I was back with the Horde, and we were enemies and I was fighting for my life.” Catra gesticulated wildly, almost dislodging a few potted flowers on the windowsill closest to her. “Everything else just...disappeared.” Blue and gold eyes shifted up, oh so slightly, landing on the pale hands clenched across from her. “I didn’t mean to push you away,” she told the hands. “I was just... _ so scared _ \--”

“Catra, I.” Adora’s voice broke through her rambling. “You were  _ never _ in danger with me. Even...even when we were enemies, I...I never wanted to hurt you!” 

The Magicat snorted, the contradiction breaking her for a moment. “Really? Cause I think I might still have some internal bleeding that would say otherwise.” 

The blonde huffed, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms. Neither woman looked at one another. “I had to defend myself! I might not have been trying to hurt you, but you certainly were trying to hurt  _ me! _ ” 

“Only because I knew She-Ra could take it! Your back is perfectly fine, I don’t see any scars!” 

Adora threw herself to her feet, startling Catra enough that she looked up to see wide angry eyes boring into her own. “Catra! I  _ am  _ She-Ra!” She scoffed, throwing her hands into her hair and touseling the blonde locks until more than a few escaped the braid she favored sporting recently. “When you were attacking She-Ra you were attacking  _ me, _ hurting  _ me! _ ” Tears started to fill her ocean pools, and Catra couldn’t look away fast enough. 

The Magicat jumped to her feet as well, if only so she could turn and walk to the opposite corner, tail curling around her leg. “I didn’t...I never saw you that way,” she muttered, more to the wall than to her girlfriend. Footsteps approached her from behind, and her ears twitched to listen. 

“What did you say?” Adora sounded hopeless, and much closer than anticipated. “Catra, you can’t just shut me out. You can’t push me away when things get hard, we have to--” but whatever it was they had to do was lost. 

“I never saw you that way!” The shorter woman spun around, practically spitting as the words burst forth from her. “She-Ra is She-Ra, and you’re you! She-Ra’s the enemy, she was always the enemy. She took you away from me, you chose her over me, this bright, shiny, perfect  _ princess  _ over me. I hated you for what you put me through, and She-Ra, she was the…the fucking  _ catalyst  _ for all the  _ shit _ that happened since the second you touched that fucking sword!” 

There was silence, echoing, absolute, before Adora laughed, utterly devoid of mirth. “Wow,  _ classic _ Catra. Never taking responsibility. Blaming  _ everyone else _ for YOUR choices.” Her voice broke on the last word, and the tears brimming in her eyes finally fulfilled their threat and spilled over her flushed cheeks. “It wasn’t like I  _ tried _ to get you to come with me,  _ multiple times. _ But no, of course! This is all MY fault!” 

“STOP.” Perfuma stood, and both women jumped. Catra honestly had forgotten the third woman was present in the room until she spoke. “I think we all need to take a deep breath, okay?” Closing her eyes, the willowy princess audibly inhaled deeply through her nose and exhaled through her mouth, shoulders relaxed as they rose and fell with the movement. “This conversation you are conducting is very fractured and reactive. You’re lashing out. There is no healthy communication present right now. In order to work through what happened today with Catra, there needs to be good, clear, calm communication. You must respond, not react. So, let’s all take five minutes to take some slow, deep breaths, and when you both are feeling better, we’ll continue.” Perfuma nodded at the two of them, jaw set and voice firm, before folding into a comfortable position on the floor. Split gems met blue-gray pools and broke apart, both faces flushed, both chests rising with angry breaths. A stress headache was building behind Catra’s temple, and she quietly groaned as she settled back in the chair, eyes closed and tail curled in her lap.

_ Inhale.  _

_ Exhale. _

_ Inhale. _

_ Exhale. _

Catra hadn’t meant to yell. She cracked open an eye, taking in the blonde across from her. Adora’s eyes were shut, and despite following along with Perfuma’s instructions, the crease between her brows refused to budge, the set to her shoulders refused to slacken. Catra hadn’t meant to be so cruel. It  _ terrified _ her, how quickly and absolutely she lost control over reality. Gods, she even  _ smelled _ the metallic tang of Mara’s ship. Up until now, she had been able to feel the fear and panic building, and deal with it rationally. Nip it in the bud, so to speak. Much fewer outbursts, nightmares only once or twice a month, maybe a couple of instances where she had to up and walk away from whatever was triggering her, but never something as complete and overwhelming as this had been. 

The minutes ticked away. “I’m so sorry, Adora.” It was no more than a whisper, but its subject heard the apology all the same. Catra shifted in her chair, looking up to meet Adora’s blank gaze. “I didn’t mean to run away from you. I just…” She trailed off, unable to voice the turmoil. 

“You had a panic attack, Catra.” Perfuma’s gentle voice broke the divide between the two women, and they both turned. “They manifest differently for different people...Scorpia typically has trouble speaking during hers. Mine?” She paused, taking a deep breath before peeling down the red cuff on her left wrist, exposing the skin and proffering it to the pair. Catra’s eyes widened at the small, purple-red scars scattered overtop the crisscrossing blue of her veins. “I scratch myself. Sometimes it got so bad, I made myself bleed.” She smiled ruefully at the ragged marks as she positioned the cuff back. “For you, you blacked out. It sounds like the memories you saw were very frightening, and sometimes, as a defense mechanism, our bodies can simply shut down rather than go through the stress.” 

“If I shut down, doesn’t that mean I’ve taken a step back?” Catra’s voice was panicked, high-pitched. Her tail spasmed in the chair next to her.  _ There’s so much wrong with me _ . Her thoughts spiraled within her, a whirlpool of agony and despair and  _ I’m awful I’m terrible Shadow Weaver was right I’ll never be good enough I’ll never-- _

“Not at all Catra.” The feline’s eyes snapped up. Perfuma was smiling at her, all kindness and warmth and acceptance. “Remember what I’ve told you before? Progress. Not perfection. Recovery isn’t a linear process. It isn’t a straight line.” 

_ *Snort* _ Catra and Perfuma whipped their heads at this very undignified sound uttered by the second blonde in the room. Adora had the decency to blush a little. “Sorry. I just…” she chuckled again, gesturing between herself and the feline. “ _ Nothing _ about the two of us is remotely straight.” The brunette, for the first time since entering the room, felt warmth bloom in her chest as she laughed. The feeling only grew when she caught the twinkle in Adora’s eyes and saw her grin returned.  _ Maybe I  _ didn’t  _ fuck things up that badly.  _

“Catra, I want to get to the root of this attack, okay?” The Magicat, reluctantly, broke away from admiring how starkly the red of Adora’s flush stood against the paleness of her skin to pay attention to Perfuma. “So this happened when you saw She-Ra? When was the last time you  _ saw _ She-Ra?” 

The feline frowned, contemplating. The Heart immediately sprung to mind, her first kiss with Adora, the brilliant colors of light erupting from the union of their lips refracting off the room so bright she could see it through her eyelids. When they broke apart--far too soon for Catra’s liking--she found herself pressed against a much taller, much firmer body. She-Ra looked just as surprised, blinking down at the brunette now situated in her lap, her muscular arms wrapped around the smaller woman’s lithe form. Catra had to look up to meet her confused gaze, and find she didn’t mind the strain on her neck. “Huh.” She-Ra’s lips moved, but it was Adora’s voice that came out, breathless. 

“She-Ra’s here?” Catra sounded just as winded. 

“I guess you could say that was one hell of a kiss?” Adora’s cocky smile across She-Ra’s glowing face was definitely confusing. And attractive. Catra shook her head.  _ Not now.  _

“Don’t ruin it.” The warrior seemed content to simply linger there, thumbs slightly tracing circles in the Magicat’s hair and along the ridge of her spine. A small purr rumbled in her chest. She-Ra’s hands were so much larger, so much  _ warmer.  _ They weren’t as calloused as her host’s either, and Catra couldn’t tell if she missed the roughness or not. It was just...different. Pleasant, but different.  _ Wait, weren’t we doing something? _ “Isn’t there an evil overlord to defeat?” 

She-Ra almost vaulted Catra out of her lap in her haste to scramble to her feet. “Oh! Oh yeah that’s kind of important!” She still hadn’t unwound her arm’s from the feline’s waist though, and realization dawned on her face when they both looked down and noticed. The smug grin returned in full force to adorn the blonde’s face. “Another kiss for good luck?” 

A storm erupted in Catra’s stomach, fully pressed against the warrior’s enviable abs. Thunder rumbled in her heart as she leaned up and wrapped her arms around the blonde’s neck. Lightning danced along her skin as her lips met She-Ra’s. Just like her hands, they were larger than Adora’s--obviously--but they were just as full, just as soft. She ran her tongue along the seam, humming. There was a distinction between the two, She-Ra and Adora, _just_ enough to be noticable. Maybe, Catra hoped, she would get to experience the two enough to determine just how distinct. 

Fate had different ideas, however, and the kiss Catra exchanged with She-Ra in the Heart was the last time she saw the god-like warrior. Turns out, even aboard Prime’s ship, Glimmer had plans for the Magicat’s genius and barely a week since Prime’s demise had passed before the tiny queen came bursting into her and Adora’s shared room--thank  _ all _ the gods they had just pulled their clothes back on--her arms brimming with documents. It felt good to be recognized, to be wanted in this way. Her canines poked out over her lips as she grinned at the plans Glimmer laid out that day.  _ Maybe Adora’s onto something with this whole “helping people” schtick.  _

But Adora’s “helping people” kept her outside of Bright Moon more than in it, and Catra’s new status as Glimmer’s right hand meant she stuck close to the queen. Any quests calling for She-Ra were exclusively external forays into Etheria, and while occasionally Catra came along at the start to help with planning and resource allocation, she was gone before the warrior made an appearance. It wasn’t on purpose. Anytime away from Adora was...well, Catra wouldn’t be so dramatic as to call it  _ agony _ , but she didn’t enjoy it. The nights were worse than the days. It was harder to stave off the nightmares without her girlfriend’s strong embrace holding her close, and more often than not Catra would awake screaming, chilling laughter ringing in her ear and the ghost of cold fingers gripping her shoulders. 

Coming back to herself, Catra shrugged off the memories and swallowed. “It was...in the Heart. Right before She-Ra came and killed Prime.” She swallowed again. “I never went on any of the missions that Adora went on, at least not for long. Never long enough to see She-Ra, just like for some initial preparations, and then Glimmer would poof in and take me back. We talked about going to space and visiting other planets...but we all decided it would be better to clean up things here before we started wreaking havoc elsewhere.” She ran her fingers over her palms, alternating sides as the nails traced the creases. “I guess...the shock of seeing She-Ra might have caused it? Maybe? And the shock brought back all the...the fears and worries from the war? Does that even make sense?”

Perfuma nodded along with Catra’s words. “You and Adora have this rich, beautiful history...but She-Ra only appeared when you were on opposite sides. It makes perfect sense that you would associate her with these things, especially if you haven’t had any time or space to process exactly how She-Ra factors into everything. She isn’t someone you came across at all. If we aren’t confronted everyday by parts of ourselves we think need work, or memories or emotions or whatnot, it’s easy to forget about them. We tend to wrap whatever it is that’s difficult to process in a box and stow it away somewhere deep in ourselves where we don’t have to think about it.” She leaned over, resting a warm hand on Catra’s knee. “This does  _ not _ mean that you aren’t doing well, or you aren’t making progress. It just means that there is a new facet we can focus on. Okay?” She beamed at the Magicat, who felt a little bit of the worry fade away. 

“Catra?” A coarse palm brushed the back of Catra’s hand. Adora was leaning forward, eyes full of concern on the brunette’s face. “You keep...you keep talking about me and She-Ra like...like we’re two different people. But we’re not. I  _ am _ She-Ra, and she’s me. You talk about being afraid of her and connecting her to all the...all the bad stuff...but that means you’re afraid  _ of me. _ ” Her voice broke on the last two words, and with a jolt Catra watched a tear roll slowly down Adora’s cheek. 

The Magicat shot forward, quickly wiping it away and cupping Adora’s face with her hand. The blonde leaned into the touch, two more tears following the first. “No, baby, I love you. You don’t scare me.” Taking a risk, she pressed a light kiss to Adora’s lips, internally sighing as she felt her girlfriend kiss back. “I think...in my mind, we went so quickly from being enemies to being on the same side, and I still had all these emotions and drives in me. And you were struggling to become She-Ra. I think it was easier for me to pin all of the, the...messy stuff  _ on _ She-Ra and then just...like Perfuma said, wrap it all up and stuff it away. Separate my feelings for her from my feelings for you, which already were messy and complicated and...I only ever saw you as She-Ra a couple of times since you rescued me from Prime...and I  _ hated her _ so much before...I hated that side of you. She was bright and beautiful and whole...everything I  _ wasn’t  _ in the Horde...seeing you as her, it made me feel so small. It was just further confirmation of how much I held you back, a visual reminder of how much less I was than you, and that you believed it.” She chuckled, looking over at the floral princess. “Perfuma, you really helped me with all the hateful thoughts and self-destructive tendencies I got from Shadow Weaver’s fucking  _ fantastic  _ parenting, but I think we unearthed a whole lot more today.” 

Catra felt Adora squeeze her hand. “It sounds like...it sounds like you still have a lot you want to say to She-Ra.” She smiled, her cheeks a deep scarlet. “R-roleplay really helped me with my s-stuff, you know. Not that we need to, uh, do everything we did for me. But it might help you get it off your chest?” 

Despite herself, Catra grinned and cocked her eyebrows at how flustered Adora grew. “I mean, some of all this stuff? It’s even more confusing, because I was  _ definitely  _ ready to fuck She-Ra in the Heart.” The blonde’s face somehow turned even redder as the room echoed with the feline’s squeaky laughter. 

Perfuma cleared her throat and the two women jumped in their seats.  _ Shit I forgot you were here.  _ “W-well, okay then. Catra, I want to see you again next week, but in the meantime, I want you to work on your meditation. Really focus your mind on  _ separating _ She-Ra from all these memories and seeing her anew. Set her apart from the suffering you faced at the hands of the Horde and Prime...ultimately, Adora and She-Ra are the same person. That recognition, I think, is at the heart of all this.” She paused. “Roleplay can be very cathartic, within and without sexual scenarios. Adora, you’ve told me how helpful it’s been for you in breaking down the expectations for yourself you developed as a result of Shadow Weaver’s control and demands to live up to impossible standards.” She turned her warm brown eyes to Catra. “It sounds to me like you have some unresolved feelings towards She-Ra. If Adora is willing, something I think would be helpful and therapeutic would be to tell her these things. As much or as little as you want, as whoever you would like. Force Captain Catra, Second-in-command Catra...whatever is comfortable for you both, and whatever facilitates the most healing conversations.” Perfuma lifted her eyebrows, smiling between the Magicat and the blonde. But Catra only saw Adora, only cared for and thought of Adora in this moment. Eyeing the gentle curve of her beautiful lips, she hazarded a guess that this didn’t sound so bad to Adora either. 

~***~ 

By the time the two women left Perfuma’s chamber, the sun had sunk into the horizon, bleeding vibrant stripes of pink and orange into the purpling sky. Both found themselves exhausted with that familiar, debilitating fatigue that came from an intense session, the kind that took hold deep in the bones and held on with violent teeth no force could remove. They walked together back to their room, fingers limply threaded. They both lacked the strength to properly hold hands, but to exist in this emotionally fragile state without some kind of touch from their loved one was unthinkable. 

Perfuma had kept them for what felt like  _ hours _ to Catra--but in all reality was likely only about thirty additional minutes--laying out suggestions for keeping the roleplay positive and healing for each person. “Boundaries are really important,” she stressed. “Discuss ahead of time what you’re hoping to achieve with the interaction, and what is going to be too much for the other involved. Be very clear where you want to draw the line, and determine safe words or signals to indicate that you need to take a break.” Catra felt the words rise to her tongue  _ oh don’t worry, we know  _ plenty _ about safe words,  _ just barely catching them from slipping out her smirk, but refrained. Adora was drinking in every word, serious determination etched in every panel of her face. They’d done this before, many times, in  _ and _ out of the bedroom, Catra recalled with a grin.  _ Sparkles would have the roof condemned if she knew. _

All of those times had been for Adora’s benefit, though. There was just something about now, in this space, crafted for and around and about Catra, that terrified the feline. The intensity in Adora’s face, the set to her jaw and the breadth of her shoulders as she leaned in at rapt attention to Perfuma’s instructions. How dedicated she was to facilitating her girlfriend’s healing. How willing she was to put herself through whatever the Magicat required to process whatever trauma her alter-ego inflicted. The brunette curled slowly into herself, tail winding around her shoulders. Why would Adora do this? What had Catra ever done to deserve this attention? Hadn’t she spent the past years lashing out, trying with every ounce of her person to tear apart the woman in front of her,  _ to grind you into the dirt to prove that I was so much better?  _ There was a buzzing in the Magicat’s ears, and she pressed them into her skull.  _ Why are you doing this, are you stupid? Don’t you see how wretched I am? Don’t you see how little I am worthy of you, of your love? Cast me aside, hate me for hating you, why would you ever consider loving me? Why Adora? Whywhywhywhy-- _

“Catra? Babe?” Adora’s hand upon her shoulder pulled her back to herself. The gray-blue eyes peering into her face were worn, reflecting like a mirror her own weariness. “Perfuma, thank you so much for seeing us. But I think we should call it a night.” Catra dragged herself to their room, the whisper of Adora’s fingers woven between her own the only beacon guiding her to her rest. Neither woman had enough left in them for conversation, so in silence they tumbled into bed, the brunette’s arms wrapped around the blonde’s waist, Adora’s face nestled into her wild hair. 

~***~

Two more days passed before Catra regained the emotional energy to sit down across from Adora and begin. “I think I’m ready to talk to She-Ra.” More conversation followed. A location was selected, a smaller training room, off in the quieter west wing of the castle. The time was set for that afternoon. Boundaries were drawn up. Adora agreed to every single thing Catra offered. 

“...can I attack you?”

“Of course.”

“Even scratch you?”

“You can draw blood if that will help.”

“Adora! No--”

“I’ll be She-Ra. I can heal, you don’t need to worry about me.”

“Can I yell at you?”

“If I just told you you can make me bleed, why would I draw the line at screaming?”

The feline paused, running her tongue over her lips. “It’s...it’s what I want to say. To S-She-Ra...that I hate her. That she r-ruined everything. That we were happy and fine before she ever showed up and she’s at fault for all of the suffering I endured the past three years!” Catra gasped at her outburst, eyes wide and fearful as she took in Adora’s face, searching for the pain she must have inflicted. 

But the blonde’s face was smooth, her expression serene. “It’s okay, Catra.” She took the shaking hands in her own, and the Magicat felt her anxieties stilling at their warmth. “I want to help you. I...I know this isn’t how you feel about me right now. This comes from...a really bad place, a place you’ve been working on and doing so well with, baby.” She sighed once. “Us doing this? You showing me this part of you, and letting me be there to help you work through it? It shows me you trust me, you  _ love _ me. And that just makes me want to do this even more.” Catra felt her hands squeezed. “So. Anything,  _ everything _ you feel you need to tell me as She-Ra? I’m here for it all. I love you.” Lips pressed against her forehead before Adora continued. “What about you? Is there anything you want me to do or not do?”

“I don’t think I can handle it if...if you’re nice to me.” Catra’s voice sounded small and frail to her ears, and her tail thrashed behind her, as if to counteract just how very small and frail she truly felt. 

“Are you asking me to  _ not _ be nice?”

“N-no...I don’t know! I guess...maybe I’m...scared?” Catra shook her hands free from Adora’s touch to run them through her hair. It brushed her collarbones now, and despite its usual unruliness, she loved having it longer again. The colorless tufts by her ears, though, would never return, not if she could help it. “If She-Ra is nice to me...then…” Her hands fell to her lap, listless. “Hating her was a part of me for so long, and even if I buried it, it’s still there. It’s still a part of me. What’s going to happen if I let it go? If I allow She-Ra to be kind to me…” She looked up, mismatched gem eyes wide with concern as the sentence trailed off. 

“You were able to let go of your anger towards  _ me _ .” Adora’s hands on her face were so soft, her thumbs so gentle as they rubbed along her cheeks. “And isn’t that what this is about? Giving you a safe place to let go and explore what could be waiting on the other side?” Catra took in her girlfriend’s expression, her girlfriend’s eyes, brimming so full of love and trust that her heart gave a painful leap.  _ How is it possible to fall even deeper in love with you?  _

And so that’s how Catra found herself, standing in the corner of a relatively empty gym, feet planted firmly apart and hands beginning to curl into fists. It took her a few minutes to prepare, to recall the Catra from the past and immerse her soul in the drives and darkness the Horde inspired within her.  _ Inhale. Exhale.  _ But then she nodded at the blonde, and now her ears were ringing from Adora’s battle cry. The brilliant light from She-Ra’s transformation finally faded away, and there was the warrior herself. Catra’s heart immediately leapt to her throat and she crouched down, every inch of her prepared for a fight, each molecule of her person thrumming with anticipation. 

But Adora,  _ no this isn’t your girlfriend, this is  _ She-Ra stood stock still, her arms held loosely at her sides and her stance calm. Relaxed. Like Catra wasn’t a threat. Even her eyes were closed.  _ How stupid can she be?  _

A sudden presence burst into her mind, sounding oddly like Perfuma.  _ She trusts me. It has nothing to do with seeing me as a threat or taking me seriously as an opponent. Adora trusts me.  _ Catra shook her head, her ears flapping against the sides of her head as she drove to violently eject the soft words from her brain. 

_ She-Ra is my enemy. If she’s too idiotic to recognize that, well, no skin off my back. _ She curled her lips, one lethal canine poking out.  _ Definitely going to be some off of hers though.  _

Her heart pounded in her chest at the threat of violence.  _ How can you say that about  _ Adora _? How can you dare to feel that way?  _ She screamed internally. 

_ But this isn’t Adora.  _ Another part of her yelled back, clashing angrily against the former. _ This is She-Ra, and you  _ hate _ She-Ra! _ And with that she launched out of her position, claws unsheathed and mouth snarling. She landed on the warrior, feet clutching at impressive hips, left hand gripping on a muscular shoulder, tail balanced out behind her as her talons dug into fabric and skin. Catra grin widened when she saw discomfort flicker briefly over the blonde’s face before settling back into an impassive mask, and with her right hand she gripped the heroic chin, forcing She-Ra’s face level with her own. 

“Have I ever told you just how  _ ridiculous _ I think this tiara is?” Catra released her hold on She-Ra’s face to pluck the crown off, scoffing as she eyed it. So shiny, so glittery. So very  _ stupid.  _ But up close, she was struck by an odd familiarity, its shape and curves stirring a connection she didn’t have the words to make. 

“It’s for you.” The warrior’s voice rumbled in her chest, tickling Catra’s palm. “When I became She-Ra again, after breaking the sword...somehow I got to choose how I look.” She shifted under the feline, and together they both glanced down at the shining, winged boots. “These are for Glimmer...she helped me find purpose and stability in the Rebellion. She guided my path.” Lifting her right arm, she pushed it between their bodies, the back of her hand brushing the underside of Catra’s breast. It startled her, and she was so busy trying to determine if it was fear or excitement that caused her chest to throb that she almost missed the princess’s next words. “This is for Bow,” she said, tapping at the heart emblazoned over her front. “He showed me, even from our very first meeting, true examples of love and respect.” She-Ra opened her eyes to look deeply into Catra’s. Gods but they were so blindingly blue, like staring into the glare the sun creates off the ocean. “The tiara is for you, Catra...I...You were all I ever thought about, all I ever wanted.” A hand the size of her whole face appeared by her cheek, so close she could feel the heat radiating from its proximity. But She-Ra didn’t touch her. She was waiting, following Catra’s lead.  _ I want to feel you _ , her skin said.  _ But I can be patient, I won’t until you’re ready,  _ the breadth between answered. “I told you, I never hated you.” 

They hadn’t even been at it for more than five minutes, but Catra was already overwhelmed.  _ I told you not to be nice to me.  _ She shoved off the warrior, drawing blood as she backflipped onto all fours and glared up at She-Ra, fur and tail on end. “Why?!” She spat, drawing herself up to her full height, angry that she still had to look far up to meet eyes far too giving for the amount of venom coursing through her veins. “I was never good enough, compared to you. You, you were always held up as some gods-damned standard of virtue and perfection that  _ everyone _ said I could never achieve, no matter how hard I tried. And  _ fuck  _ did I try so hard!” She curled her hands into fists, and was surprised to find that she still held the tiara. Pulling it in front of her, she clutched it with both hands, staring down into the reflection that gleamed back at her. In its shine, her mismatched eyes appeared the same color.  _ One more imperfection you get to wipe away _ , she told it. 

Catra tightened her grip on the adornment, the smooth edges cutting into her palms. Not like it was the first time She-Ra made her bleed. “I was never as good, and then you came along and made sure I never would be.” She growled at her image. “What’s Catra, sad, weak,  _ broken _ little Catra to the power of the First One’s? What’s a lifetime of ruling over the very people who tore you apart and told you you were nothing more than fodder for a pointless war...to some dead race that finally confirmed just how fucking  _ special _ and  _ beautiful  _ everyone always told you you were. It was all poison, why couldn’t you see that, Adora? The First Ones...they’re just as bad as the Horde. Maybe their words were prettier, but what they did to you, and what they asked of you...giving you that stupid giant sword so you could bleed yourself dry for the whole dumb planet. Gods, don’t you see? D-don’t you see how they’re the same?” Her vision blurred, and the Catra in the tiara lost her definition, her edges smudged and watery. Giant hands came into her field of vision, slowly reaching out and covering her own. She flinched, and they quickly retreated, and Catra couldn’t stop the agony spilling out of her mouth to ask them to return. “And if they were the same, then you could have stayed with me. We could have ruled the Horde together, and conquered together, and made a difference  _ together _ . I-instead of apart. We wouldn’t have had to be separated. We w-wouldn’t have had to be so l-lonely.” 

The feline tipped her head back to look She-Ra in the face. She was much closer now, her chin almost to her chest in order to meet the Magicat’s gaze, and Catra understood, with a further stab of despair, the same fractured expression on the warrior’s face that Adora’s had worn when she surfaced from her panic attack. “U-unless you  _ did  _ realize it, and it didn’t matter to you.  _ I  _ didn’t matter to you, all that mattered was being someone’s  _ hero,  _ and being all of Etheria’s was b-better than being mine.” She swallowed, begging the lump in her throat to remain steady for just a little while longer. Just enough to liberate all the hate and misery welling up in her chest, to let She-Ra know once and for all what she thought of her. “That’s why I can’t stand the fucking  _ sight _ of you. Y-you took Adora away from me! If you’d never shown up, she never would have left, and...and the past three years would never have happened! Prime would never have shown up,  _ we  _ would have been the ones to take down Shadow Weaver...we wouldn’t be covered in all these scars.” A strand of wild hair tickled her cheek, and she barked out a joyless laugh. “I’d still have my hair!” 

Catra couldn’t take the look on She-Ra’s face any longer, the guilt and the sadness and the pity, and glanced away, choosing to meet her reflection’s eyes instead. She shifted the crown in her hands, and with a small jolt of surprise saw the edges traced with red. Her image’s eyebrows furrowed and the matching eyes looked feral. She spoke her next words to the First Ones, the crafters of this hateful piece, and prayed her voice would find them somewhere in space and time. They had to, they must. The hot coals she’d steadily consumed, telling herself the fire would make her stronger; she wanted the First Ones to burn on them, to choke for what they did to her and Adora. “Who gave you the right to choose her, and take her away from me?” She whispered, and she didn’t know if her vision continued to blur from the tears of her agony or the smoke of her speech. “You made her a target for all the world’s woe, to be used for some dead race in a war they never hoped to win, demanding payment in blood from a person who already bled so much for others...for me...until she decided her pain was too great a cost for my protection” She struggled against the emotion building in her chest.  _ I am stronger than this.  _ “...Didn’t you realize, Adora? How much I hid my own suffering from you?” The tiara fell from her hands and clattered to the floor as Catra raised her hands to press her reddened palms to the warrior’s chest. She slid them down, watching with a detached fascination as the shining white was stained violent crimson. “How many times Shadow Weaver summoned me to her chambers just to hear me scream? It was usually because of you. I’d done something to ‘distract’ you and you had a poor time or your test results weren’t as stellar as the bitch thought they could be. And that was my fault, so she’d punish me.” The muscular body beneath her shook, and something wet dripped on the back of the brunette’s hand. She leaned forward and licked it, tasting salt. “I’d come crawling back to the bunker, and you’d still be awake, waiting for me. Looking at me with those big eyes, and that  _ stupid _ face, asking if I was okay.” She shrugged. She felt disassociated, listless. “Of course I couldn’t tell you the truth. That would have destroyed you, and even then I loved you too much.” She tilted her head back, regarding the warrior’s tear-streaked face and reaching up on her tiptoes to wipe away the wetness with her thumbs. Anger and grief battled against the oppression of detachment in her chest as she stared at the smears of blood she left on She-Ra’s cheeks. 

Anger won. “If I knew this would be the outcome, maybe I would have told you then. Maybe it would have killed you, and it would have been better for the both of us.” Catra dragged a claw down the front of She-Ra’s shirt, licking her lips as the fabric and skin split, tiny beads of blood blossoming in the wake of her controlled violence. “No one ever cared about you like I did. Like I always have...and no one ever would have, and you would never have left me, and I wouldn’t have ever felt like this.” Her hands moved to the taller woman’s sides, nails burying themselves in the muscular flesh. Some twisted, furious part of her soul sang as She-Ra gasped at the pain, flaring when that was all the warrior did.

Catra frowned. This passivity, this resigned acceptance to everything the feline was inflicting? That wouldn’t do. She planted her wet palms on the princess’s expansive chest and shoved. “Fight me,” she growled as she swiped at She-Ra’s thighs. “Fight me!” as she danced behind the woman, cutting at her calves. She jumped on the blonde’s back, wrapping her legs around her torso and her arms around her chest. Her right hand gripped that absurd ponytail, yanking the princess’s head backwards. “Give me more reasons to hate you,” she snarled, fingers snapping the band holding her hair in place, and quickly both women were covered in reams of silken platinum. “Show me why you left me, show me how  _ little  _ you think of me,  _ show me _ just how small and weak and  _ worthless  _ you know me to be.” With that, Catra attacked, digging the claws of her feet into She-Ra’s abs and sinking her teeth in the powerful cords of her neck. 

And that, apparently, was too much for the Princess of Power. Catra knew Adora could be patient--under the right circumstances--and, evidently, this crossed a line. Whether it was her nails or her bite or her words, She-Ra had had enough, and the Magicat tasted the roar under her teeth before resolute hands gripped her shirt and yanked her off. Her body was slammed against a wall, the sharp points of her shoulder blades becoming far too intimate with the cold surface for her liking, and she winced as the warrior’s voice boomed in her ears. “Catra!” 

But the feline could still hear Adora in the princess’s voice. The shorter blonde was still tangled with the taller, murky and confusing and terrifying in the similarities. She had to shut her out, silence her again. To hate She-Ra was to hate Adora, and even this Catra, swimming in the agony of the past, was far too different from the Catra of the actual past to ever deny that she loved Adora. But both Catra’s were still good at running away. She didn’t have to address this realization if She-Ra would just stop talking, and with that intention she raised her claws again, raking them horizontally across the much taller woman’s chest. The fabric was no match, surrendering to her assault and tumbling down, revealing the soft swell of the princess’s breasts. It startled Catra, to see something so delicate on one so powerful, distracting her. Both of her wrists were suddenly seized in one enormous hand, and she was stretched out along the wall, arms uncomfortably high above her head, back arched and weight balanced on the very tips of her toes to accommodate her position.

“Catra, that’s enough!” She-Ra’s voice was steel, her grip iron. Even so, those tear-filled eyes could not have been softer as they gazed down upon the feline. “Don’t you  _ dare _ say those things to me! Never again!” The Magicat snarled in response, writhing under She-Ra’s hands. Her nails were out of commission, so she bent at the waist and elevated her legs, intending to claw her feet along the warrior’s body. 

But She-Ra was too quick for her. 

The second her feet left the floor, the taller woman surged forward, shoving her body between the feline’s thighs and crashing their lower halves together. In this position, Catra’s legs dangled uselessly behind the warrior’s back, and despite all her twisting and thrashing, she couldn’t find purchase in the blonde’s flesh. She continued to growl, horrid, putrid curses tumbling forth from her lips, until She-Ra’s free hand came up and covered her spitting, furious mouth, and the flow of wretched things ceased. 

They say that blue fire burns the hottest and Catra, motionless under twin balls of cobalt flame, had to agree. 

“That’s enough,” She-Ra repeated, panting heavily in the Magicat’s face. “You...you need to understand. You have to listen, and when I’m done, if you still hate me…” Adora’s promise on Mara’s ship,  _ you never have to see me again _ , hung in the liminal space between them. It echoed in Catra’s ears and despite it all, she found she couldn’t continue her verbal assault. The warrior sighed and removed her palm from the feline’s mouth, waiting until the brunette nodded to continue. 

“Catra...after I found the sword, after Thaymor and I asked you to come with me and...and you said no...gods, I can’t count the number of sleepless nights I spent, staring up at the ceiling, tearing my hair out trying to figure out how I could be enough for you. Because that was the problem, wasn’t it? You didn’t see what I saw outside of the Horde. Even though it was awful, it was all we’d ever known, all  _ you  _ ever knew...well, Shadow Weaver’s outbursts were pretty easy to predict. And as long as the Horde was winning, Hordak never really bothered us. Yeah it was hell, but the outside world could have been so much worse, probably was so much worse. To you.” She-Ra palmed Catra’s cheek, running her thumb over the downy fur as the Magicat trembled. “I’m sorry I asked that of you. To jump, to take the leap. And I’m so sorry I didn’t understand.” She pressed their foreheads together, and Catra barely choked back a sob. “I thought...if I was strong enough...if I could be  _ safe _ enough, you would leave the Horde, and come to me...But I wasn’t, I could never be, and it took me  _ so long _ to realize that you would never come until you were ready.”

Struggling to hold back the wave that threatened to drown her, Catra didn’t see the warrior shift, didn’t notice the full pink lips move to press against her forehead until they were already there, and it was with a start that she received the affection.  _ I told you not to be kind to me.  _

“You scoffed at me for trying to be the hero. But that world I was trying so hard to save?” Strong fingers gripped her chin and lifted her face. Catra slammed her eyes shut, her ears lying flush to her skull. She wouldn’t,  _ couldn’t  _ look the blonde in the eyes, not if she wanted to stay in one piece. She-Ra...Adora...her words were pulling the feline apart. One more moment, one more glance into eyes bluer and deeper than the skies above, and Catra would cease. But the blonde had always been able to work away Catra’s walls, brick by brick; why would now be any different? “You were a part of it. I did everything I could to heal Etheria and rid it of evil so you would get the chance to be happy. So we could be happy. Even if you didn’t feel the same way, it would have been enough for me to see you, free from all the horrible influences...smiling. Laughing. Gods you have no idea what your laughter does to me. Even when we were fighting, even when it was callous and cold and you were only doing it to show me how much better off you were alone, I’d  _ dream _ about your laughter.” 

Her voice was bolder as She-Ra, somehow still ringing with power and authority even whispered and husky, but the cadence? The pitch? The way certain words eked out, like they had to claw their way out of her throat to be born? That was all Adora. It had always been Adora. Why had it taken Catra so long to realize? Lips met her cheek, the same earlier caressed by the warrior, and Catra sighed lightly. “I didn’t choose this power,” She-Ra mumbled into the Magicat’s skin, “but I chose how to use it. To protect lives, to protect the choices we never got the freedom to make, so other children wouldn’t have to grow up like we did.” 

Catra gasped, eyes flashing open to She-Ra’s burning blue sight. She had to act, had to move, had to do  _ something.  _ The feline contorted under the warrior’s restraint, twisting until she pried her legs free. She lifted them, not with the intention to harm, but to wrap them around the blonde’s muscular waist, urging their bodies even closer. She-Ra inhaled sharply, pressing herself into Catra, the hard panels of her abdomen meeting the space between the brunette’s thighs with a force and a heat that stole the feline’s breath. 

“Do you know?” The blonde whispered, flexing her grip on Catra’s wrists. The Magicat’s breathing hitched, her chest rising and falling rapidly to match the pace of her frantic craving. “I went to Prime’s ship to save you without She-Ra. When...when Glimmer went to the Fright Zone with Scorpia, I went to the Crystal Castle...and I broke the sword. I needed to destroy She-Ra, before the magic of the Heart could destroy Etheria. So when I went to Prime’s ship, I was...powerless.” The warrior was shaking again, and Catra couldn’t tell if it was She-Ra’s body that made her own quake, or if she herself was trembling. She knew that Adora had broken the sword, but she just assumed the magic returned sometime later, around the time of the mission to rescue Glimmer. Never in her wildest dreams would she have believed her girlfriend to be so suicidally  _ reckless  _ to enter space without her alter ego. But here, now, all she did know was that those cobalt eyes were fixed upon her lips, and if something didn’t happen soon, the warrior’s gaze was going to set her on fire and she would be consumed. “I didn’t know if she would come back, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was bringing you home. I...I had to hold you in my arms again, even if it was the last thing I ever did. Don’t you see? You were never my enemy. I loved you too much to ever call you that.” 

Catra whimpered, arching her back off the wall and craning her neck up. Hearing She-Ra say these words, to admit weakness and desire and fear all orbiting around her person, like the brunette was someone who always  _ mattered, _ it broke her, fractured her into millions of little pieces until the only thing holding her together was She-Ra, Adora, She-Ra, Adora, ADORA,  _ ADORA.  _ “Show me,” she sobbed, her own eyes just as hungry on the warrior’s mouth. “Show me how much you love me.” 

Catra’s wrists were suddenly released as hands flew to the back of her head and waist, and she would have protested. To be lifted and held, like she was something small and light, to be pinned and restrained, like she was something wildly desirable and uncontrollable; she hadn’t had the space to notice or think about it, but now that it was gone, she was able to realize: it felt intoxicating. She opened her mouth, fully prepared to beg her girlfriend to hold her down again, but before she could, She-Ra’s lips crashed upon hers, and Catra forgot what she was going to say. 

_ Oh _ there it was again. That marvelous flavor, just one shade different from Adora’s. Catra slipped her tongue between She-Ra’s lips as she wrapped her freed arms around the taller woman’s shoulders. Adora tasted like sunshine, like warmth. She-Ra, being Adora, was the same, just  _ more.  _ If Adora was the quiet rays of morning chasing away the chill from night’s darkness, then She-Ra was the blaze of midday, bearing down with relentless heat until Catra could ignore it no further and unfurled herself, surrendering to bask in its glory. So too did she surrender herself now, opening and spreading under the warrior’s touch, each brush stoking the heat that was steadily building between her legs. She fisted one hand in She-Ra’s magnificent golden hair, stomach fluttering at the groan the motion pulled forth.  _ She even sounds the same as Adora _ , Catra mused as the blonde’s much-larger tongue invaded her mouth and dragged along her own. 

Blunt teeth bit down on the brunette’s lip as one massive hand moved from her hip to her ribcage, and Catra almost screamed. Her hips jerked forward, grinding against She-Ra’s solid core. It was almost sufficient, but that  _ almost  _ was so very far away from the real thing. _.  _ “Adora!” She cried as the princess kissed up her jaw and nibbled on a fuzzy ear. Her hands scrambled along the blonde’s shoulders, alternately caressing and seizing the muscular flesh under her fingertips as wanton need flared within her. “ _ Show me, _ ” she growled, thrusting her hips in emphasis, praying her meaning would come across. 

Her girlfriend was either too dense to notice, or, more likely, was enjoying herself pleasuring Catra’s ear to move her attentions elsewhere. She chuckled when the feline moaned again, confirming her suspicions, but seemed to take pity on the poor Magicat. In the next heartbeat, her massive palm overtook Catra’s chest, squeezing the pliant flesh through her shirt, and the feline  _ mewled.  _ She arched and she pulled the blonde closer to her, frantic cries of “Adora! Adora!” tumbling unbidden from her mouth. She-Ra took her lips in a heated kiss, the massage of her tongue matching the actions of her fingers on Catra’s breasts. 

Some small part of the brunette’s brain maintained enough sanity to marvel at the breadth of the warrior’s hand as it worked her into a frenzy, how much larger it was than Adora’s, how much of her body it encompassed. Thumb to pinkie, it easily stretched the length of Catra’s chest to flick both of her nipples, stimulating the sensitive nubs until they stood out, angry and wanting through the fabric of her shirt. Catra moaned into She-Ra’s mouth, gripping the massive wrist and shoving it down, away from her tits and to the hem of her shirt, releasing it to lift up the thin barrier between the warrior’s touch and her own flesh. The blonde groaned and shifted, moving both of her hands to her girlfriend’s thighs to heft the smaller woman more firmly against her. The action ground Catra’s cunt against the warrior, and for a brief moment her vision blurred and she saw stars. “Mmm!” She bit her lip, leaning their foreheads together as she repeated the motion with her hips. She seized the princess’s massive hands again, pushing them up and under her shirt. “Adora,” she whined as She-Ra’s hands stilled, thumbs rubbing small circles into the softness coating her stomach. “Adora,  _ touch me _ .” 

Her girlfriend rubbed her nose along Catra’s neck, kissing the hollow above her collarbone. “But I  _ am  _ touching you.” Her voice was low, husky. Infuriating. Catra wanted more, needed more, and was about to make that known when the warrior’s teeth bit into the skin her lips had just been tracing, and instead of complaining the Magicat screamed. Her hands clawed at the wall as her neck was assaulted, her body twisting as She-Ra’s palms moved up-- _ Finally!-- _ to encompass her bare breasts. Trapped between the rocky wall behind her and the hardness of the blonde’s body, Catra was reduced, all thought and being coalesced to the singular need writhing between her legs.  _ She’s going to kill me _ , whatever part of her not awash with lust whispered,  _ and I am completely okay with it.  _

The hands teasing at her nipples struggled under Catra’s shirt, and She-Ra made a noise of frustration. “How fond of you are this shirt?” She breathed into the feline’s wrecked skin, tongue briefly skating over the purpling mark. “Because if it’s not off you by the time I finish this sentence, I think I’m going to explode.” She withdrew her palms, taking a moment to smirk at Catra’s lips when the brunette whined and scrambled at her wrists. 

“Knock yourself out.” 

The grin stretching across the warrior’s face could only be described with one word-- _ predatory _ \--and at the sight of it, Catra’s mouth went dry. She licked her lips as She-Ra toyed with the hem of her top, twisting the thin fabric between her hands. “Marvelous.”  _ RIIIIIIIP.  _ It was like she was tearing tissue paper. The shirt was no match to the strength of the Princess of Power, and very quickly Catra’s whole chest and abdomen were bare. The glowing blue eyes roving her naked breasts, the delicate fingertips following in their wake, gently skating over her curves with the lightest touch, the hushed, reverent way her girlfriend said “Catra, Catra you’re so beautiful” before kissing her? Individually, each would have set her on fire, but together, simultaneously, all by the woman who inspired the magnitude of emotions currently threatening to overwhelm her heart and body? It was too much. 

The feline keened and rolled her hips again as she pawed at She-Ra’s hands, voice pitched with need. “Adora, Adora I need more. Please.” Her breath caught in her throat as those massive palms flipped and captured her wrists again. Split eyes widened as the blonde slowly lifted her arms, bringing Catra’s along for the ride, not stopping until the smaller woman’s arms were once more stretched above her head and the princess could tower over the brunette. 

Having reached their destination, the warrior shifted, bringing both fragile wrists into one powerful grasp. Her free hand sauntered downward, gripping Catra’s chin and forcing it up, up, up to meet her eyes. At this angle, the Magicat had to crane her neck fully back, the top of her head pressing almost painfully against the wall, to look She-Ra in the face, her much smaller body trembling when she found her target. Never before had she felt so wanted, so desired. All of her times with Adora were incredible, but there was something about getting picked up, pushed against a wall, and having her clothes torn off her body that made this interaction singular. 

Maybe it was the hands, large and powerful and so very, very gentle as they caged Catra’s wrists. Maybe it was the body she squirmed against, rippling with muscles and designed for war, attentive to her every needy cry. Or maybe it was the warrior’s apology,  _ “if I could be safe enough,”  _ reverberating in her head, as the blonde lifted her like she was nothing and touched her like she was everything, like she would do everything to care for and protect the feline. She-Ra smouldered down at her, half-lidded eyes heavy and dark, before leaning down and slowly drawing Catra’s bottom lip between her teeth. The Magicat whimpered as the princess’s hot tongue washed over the sensitive area, sucking for just a moment before letting go and a soft kiss was pressed to the tip of her nose. “You asked me to show you how much I love you.” Catra shivered at the growl in her voice. “So let me show you.” 

She-Ra’s lips hovered over her own, just out of reach no matter how Catra strained. The hand gripping her chin released in favor of stroking her cheek, one eyebrow quirked as she watched the Magicat struggle. “Just let go, Catra.” The caress moved from her face to one flickering ear, and  _ oh, now she’s just playing dirty.  _ “I want to take care of you, in this body. I want you to be able to look at She-Ra and not see an enemy, or someone to be afraid of. It’s just me, baby. See me.” The room started to blur as the Magicat’s vision filled with frustrated tears, her sight overflowing with so much blue and gold and white streaked with red that even when she shut her eyes, the cacophony of color was imprinted on her eyelids. Already she was so close. Why was the blonde being so difficult? Why was this so important? 

But then Catra opened her eyes, and there was the princess’s face, so very close and open and filled with love, looking at her the exact same way Adora had looked at her a hundred, a thousand, a million times before. In that moment, it all clicked for Catra, it all made sense. Of course. She-Ra was Adora, Adora was She-Ra. If Adora had always loved her, then so too had She-Ra. If Adora promised that she never hated Catra, that she never meant to hurt her, that she had nothing to fear...well, they were the same person, weren’t they? 

Catra didn’t need She-Ra to say her next words, but her tears still flowed freely when she did.

“See your Adora.”

“ _ Yes _ .”

The span of a single heartbeat passed, and then She-Ra’s lips were crashing down upon Catra’s. It was like she was kissing the blonde for the very first time, all the way back in the Heart. Her own pounded furiously as her girlfriend moved her free hand to her chest and cupped her breast, swallowing the feline’s moan in a deep kiss when her thumb brushed over a demanding peak. Catra squeezed her legs around the warrior’s abdomen, pulling her flush to her body. “A-Adora!” She cried as her nipple was drawn between a tantalizing thumb and forefinger, writhing in tandem to its twisting, the heat in her pussy demanding and angry at the teasing. It was torture. It was agony. Catra never wanted it to stop. 

When She-Ra finally let go and moved to her other breast, Catra was a panting, soaking wreck. She moaned as the warrior paid her particular attention to this tit, the sound coming out of her mouth increasing in pitch and desperation until the blonde took advantage of her open mouth and slipped in her tongue. The brunette almost didn’t notice when her girlfriend released her nipple she was so wrapped up in how their lips moved against one another. She also almost didn’t notice as that same hand traveled south, meandering slowly over a lightly fuzzed abdomen, gigantic fingers gently prodding tense muscles while their owner chuckled at her kiss-muffled squeaks. 

Almost. 

Catra’s hips only jerked faster as She-Ra’s digits drew closer. She could smell herself now, under her layers of clothing, and when she broke apart from the blonde to watch the southern pilgrimage of her fingers, she realized with a jolt that her arousal bled through her pants. A smile adorned the warrior’s face when she noticed the wetness as well, and she licked a long stripe along the Magicat’s neck, finishing with a bite to her ear. “Hey Catra?” The feline was a little too preoccupied to answer, too wrapped up in the light caress of She-Ra’s knuckles along her inner thighs to respond with more than a slightly louder pant. “I love you.” And with that the pads of her fingers pressed fully against Catra’s clit, the words all but drowned out by the brunette’s howl. 

“Please _ , please _ Adora.” Even this brief supplication, gasped out when Catra regained the power of speech, was almost too much for her voice. She leaned her head forward, resting her temple to She-Ra’s muscular shoulders as she rocked into the pressure. “I’m...I’m s-so close.” 

Lips brushed the top of the Magicat’s head and an overwhelming, gentle squeeze was applied to her wrists. “I know, baby.” Happiness glowed in her chest at the pet name, and she slipped out a faint purr. She-Ra’s hand drifted to the waistband of her pants and she dipped a finger beneath the stretchy material, running the surprisingly larger appendage along the fluff. Occasionally, almost as if by accident, She-Ra brushed the digit along the central, wetter thatch closest to Catra’s heat, and each time Catra moaned and bucked her hips, beckoning the sweet touch to where she needed it most. “I’ll take care of you. I promise.” Full pink lips descended on the corner of her panting mouth as the warrior’s hand worked its way past her bottoms and underwear, hovering just out of reach of the feline’s dripping core. “Do you trust me?” 

Catra turned her half-lidded eyes to assess the princess’s face burning bright and hard before her, and the way her heart stuttered in her chest had nothing to do with fingers so close she could feel their heat radiating against her pussy.  _ Do you trust me?  _ The crease between She-Ra’s brows, the desperation burning in her sapphire pools, the way she worried her bottom lip between her teeth...this was about so much more than  _ sex _ for her. It wasn’t just about getting her girlfriend off, to pick her up and fuck her against a wall in arms that half of Etheria was jealous over. Catra’s feelings for She-Ra had been confusing, twisted and mangled and distorted, but what anguish had Adora gone through watching it all? How much had she suffered, with responsibility weighing on her shoulders and a sick sense of culpability darkening her thoughts?  _ Do you trust me?  _ Tears prickled at the corners of her split eyes as she considered her love, tracing each line of worry and fear blazing over her beautiful face.  _ Trust me?  _ Catra thought this exercise was all for her, to wrestle with and come to terms with her demons, but now it became crystal clear just how much  _ Adora _ needed this as well. To stand before the Magicat, to love her and be loved in return, to be  _ trusted,  _ to be told that she felt safe in her arms _... _ how did Catra not see it before? 

“Yes. Yes, Adora, I trust you. I-I love you.” She swallowed, two drops spilling and staining her cheeks. She arched her back, trying to bring their faces closer. “Y-you make me feel s-so protected, so good a-and special. You always did. I’m-m sorry I was so scared before.”  _ So close, just a little bit more.  _ “You...you’re my home, Adora.” With that, she reached her destination, lips pressing forward to embrace her target.

It took She-Ra a moment, and then she was kissing back, and then just by nature of how their two bodies were wrapped around one another, two long dexterous fingers slipped between Catra’s lower lips and she was inside her.  _ Gods you feel so good.  _ They were so much larger than Adora’s, filling her and stretching her, until every inch of her cunt knew their breadth and wept at their greeting. The Magicat’s moan was swallowed in the blonde’s mouth as she rolled her hips into the princess’s hand, beckoning her deeper. She-Ra broke the kiss to travel down her neck, teeth and tongue scraping along a surface that quivered as half-formed praise poured from the brunette. Catra could feel her smile against the tops of her breasts, a tender peck placed gently atop the giving flesh. She arched her back, her shoulder blades protesting against the harsh bite of the wall behind her, crying out when the warrior curled her strong fingers along her front walls. 

_ Please pleasepleaseplease  _ “Please!” Catra didn’t so much nudge as shove her tits into She-Ra’s face, ears flush against her skull. The taller woman bent down to one nipple, peaked and begging for attention, and Catra tried to bite back a groan as the blonde blew out a hot stream of breath against the pebbled surface. Tried, and miserably failed, as She-Ra followed her breath with her tongue just as her enormous thumb made contact with Catra’s wet and swollen clit further south. At this pace, the pitch of her screams would be shattering windows, but the brunette didn’t give a damn at this particular moment. 

Right now, all that mattered was She-Ra and Catra, their bodies heaving together, their mouths emitting sweeter music than either ever hoped to hear. The world slipped away, thoughts and cares and worries winking out one by one like stars in the light of dawn. There was She-Ra, and there was Catra. That was all. But what wonder existed between the two. So much beauty and ecstasy. The blonde applied her teeth to the feline’s breast, and Catra went blind. The warrior’s fingers pulsated inside her cunt, and her vision returned, radiant with gold. A quiet thumb stroked the backs of her captured hands, and Catra sobbed at the gentle touch.  _ So close. So close, Adora, I’m almost there. _

She-Ra moaned around her mouthful and increased the pace of her fingers, thrusting them with a controlled wildness that made Catra feel  _ feral.  _ It was all she could do not to fall apart just from the noise alone, the obscene timbre of her wet cunt harmonizing with the warrior’s digits fucking her rang around the small room. Every molecule of her agonized form begged for release as an irreconcilable, unswayable force built between her legs. Catra was slowly losing touch with herself the closer to the edge She-Ra drew her. She honestly didn’t know if any of her body existed right now, or what belonged to her and what belonged to her love. She wasn’t even sure what would be left of her when the inevitable happened, only that it wouldn’t be stopped. That she didn’t want it to stop. 

_ “And isn’t that what this is about? Giving you a safe place to let go and explore what could be waiting on the other side?”  _

Blue and gold eyes flashed open as Adora’s words echoed in her head. She looked down, fresh wetness coating her pussy as she regarded the woman lavishing her breasts with a skillful mouth.  _ You’re going to be on the other side.  _ She-Ra noticed her gaze and released her nipple with a final swipe of her tongue, smiling up so prettily Catra’s whole body spasmed.  _ You are safe. You are my home.  _ Her hips rocked violently along the warriors larger fingers as the ache between her legs approached a crescendo. A needy whine slipped between her lips, and whatever plea was etched over her face the blonde must have read it, interpreted it, followed its command. She stood to her full height, hand never leaving the Magicat’s cunt, arm never stopping its delicious pumping, this new angle pressing even more blissfully along contracting walls. 

Cobalt met mismatched gems, pink lips met dark, and between the two women a thumb pushed against a twitching bundle of nerves, and Catra shattered. Her body thrashed against She-Ra’s as wave upon wave of ecstasy doused every inch, limbs and hips spasming against a wall of muscle. Dimly, she was aware of the princess releasing her wrists and draping her arms across her shoulders, pulling her closer and whispering sweet nothings of praise in her flickering ear. With a detached sense of interest, like she was watching their interaction from afar. Observed, more than felt, She-Ra massaging her pussy and drawing her through the aftershocks of her orgasm. Regarded, rather than engaged, as the blonde pulled her hand out of her pants and cupped her leg, shifting the relaxed Magicat more solidly into her embrace. She did feel the nails lightly scraping along her back, the loving kiss placed atop her hair. Catra sleepily rubbed her cheek against the warrior’s shoulder, mildly surprised when a contented purr rumbled out of her chest.  _ Huh. I don’t remember starting.  _

One of She-Ra’s arms shifted, drawing under her buttocks to form a shelf to rest against. The other continued rubbing Catra’s back, pausing briefly to unlock and open the door. The feline stirred when they entered the hallway, lifting her head up just enough to speak. “Adora,” she murmured. “Where are we going?” 

The blonde quietly shut the door before resuming the affectionate caress. “Back to our room. Don’t worry, it’s pretty late, and I don’t think we’ll run into anyone on our way there.” 

Catra hummed, dragging her fingers along a rip in the white uniform. “But what if we do? We both look pretty messed up...and you ripped my shirt!” The accusatory tone she attempted to adopt didn’t quite translate, tripping over the peace overflowing from her, and the words came out far more teasingly than originally intended. 

She-Ra snorted, jostling the Magicat. “You tore out my ponytail, remember? My hair will cover the worst of it.” Another kiss was bestowed, and Catra wrapped her tail around the warrior’s waist as a silent thank you. “I’ll protect your modesty.” 

The purr deepened. “Mmm, yeah you will. You’re such a  _ protector _ , Adora.” She kissed the closest bit of She-Ra she could reach without moving. Right now, it was her neck. “You make me feel so  _ safe. _ ” The warrior stilled for just a moment before continuing walking, her heart beating so rapidly Catra felt it pitching against her chest. She kept up the silence as her footsteps echoed in the empty hallways. The feline might have worried had the blonde stopped loving on her, stopped peppering her hair with frequent pecks. But she didn’t, and so Catra didn’t, quelling the concern with a harsh reprimand. Whatever Adora was thinking about, she would tell her when she was ready. 

Their room was just as quiet as the princess when they entered, dark and peaceful, only the pleasant trickle of the waterfall dancing in the background. She-Ra locked the door, and when her arm returned to Catra’s back, it tightened, pressing them so close together not even a whisper of space existed between their bodies. “Did you mean that? That I make you feel safe?” Her voice was filled with so much more than the question. Catra heard worry, terror...hope, layered beneath the words. 

She pushed herself back to look the warrior full in the face. She-Ra tensed a bit at the separation but relaxed when she realized the feline’s intent. A hesitant smile drew over the blonde’s face. “It’s not just...you know, post-orgasmic bliss talking?” 

Catra blinked slowly.  _ Gods you even blush the same.  _ She struggled not to roll her eyes, the overwhelming cuteness of her girlfriend warring against her natural cynicism. “Yes,  _ Adora,  _ that was me.” Hesitation still colored She-Ra’s features as she carried the feline closer to the bed. “You might have given me the best orgasm I’ve ever experienced, but even  _ my pussy _ can’t do the talking for me.” They reached the bed, and Catra released her legs’ grip from the blonde’s waist but refused to part from her fully, standing atop the mattress and blankets with her arms wrapped around muscular shoulders. In this position, they were the same height, blue eyes level with a mismatched pair. 

The warrior swallowed audibly. “Let me...let me just,” She-Ra stuttered, starting to glow and shift to her shorter form. 

But Catra’s hands flew to the princess’s cheeks, stalling the transformation. “No. No, stay like this. I’m…” she licked her lips, searching the cobalt depths before her, like she could find the right words residing there. “I want to say this to...to you. To She-Ra.” She removed her palms and began stroking the long platinum locks. She slipped them through her fingers, taking a moment to simply appreciate their beauty and silken texture. She chuckled. “It’s so soft,” she murmured, distracted, wrapping one wave along her pinkie and watching as it unspooled.

“Catra?” 

At the sound of her name the feline sighed deeply. “Feelings and stuff. I’m not that good at them. ‘Fuma’s helped a lot, but it doesn’t come naturally...but I want to say, here, today...to She-Ra...that I love you and I trust you, both sides of you.” Her hands flittled down interlace her fingers with the warrior’s, smiling at how they dwarfed her own. “I believe in you...I believe in these hands. My future,  _ our future _ , is safe and secure in them.” She raised their entwined palms and pressed them against She-Ra’s chest, feeling that steady heart thundering beneath the muscular chest stutter under her touch. “I believe in this heart. It will treasure me and love me for every second that it beats.” She leaned forward to trail light kisses along the blonde’s sculpted shoulders, smiling at the light exhale that tickled the tips of her ears. “These shoulders? They are strong, and they will protect me, be it from another crazy alien warlord bent on destroying the universe, or nightmares that only go away when you hold me.” Catra fixed her gaze on the corner of the princess’s jaw, nerves fluttering in her stomach. “I know it’s not always going to be pretty...Etheria still has so much work left to be done, and there are going to be days where you’re tired or I’m impatient and we’ll argue and fuss and go to bed angry...but I  _ want _ that. I want all the messy with you, because I will get to do it  _ with you.  _ Hand in hand with all that, I’ll get to wake up next to you.” She relinquished one of She-Ra’s hands in favor of a blushing cheek, cupping the flushed surface with a tender palm. “See the sun move across your face, feel you sleeping against me and make those cute little noises when I play with your hair. I want to come home to you. And...and I want to be there when you’re She-Ra. I want to look at you in all this ridiculous, glowy...incredible... _ beautiful  _ eight-foot glory, and say ‘That’s my w-...that’s my girlfriend!’” 

Dark brows twitched at the corner of her vision, and the blue eyes Catra looked into were brimming with tears. “Catra...Catra were you going to say ‘wife?’” A hopeful smile bloomed over her love’s face. “Do you want to marry me?”

The Magicat blinked a few times. “Yeah...yeah I do. What do you say, Princess?” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading lovies! Leave a comment if that floats your boat! 
> 
> BIG OL shout out to lots of friends! First off, the inspirational rokumonshi. This whole thing is ALL for you, honey child. Go shower her with love on her tumblr. https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/rokumonshi
> 
> Second! The lovely bluefeathergirl, who beta'd this mess and helped me decide the most important things--like what to call this! Tell her how marvelous she is on her tumblrhttps://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/bluefeathergirl and go read her fantastic stories!! https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluefeathergirl/pseuds/bluefeathergirl
> 
> Finally, my very patient, very sweet therapist husband. You're NEVER going to read this, but thank you for talking with me about PTSD, panic attacks, and How To Talk. I love you very much. 
> 
> PS please be nice, tomorrow is my birthday! What better way to usher in the start of my 30's than with pink hair and lesbian smut?!


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